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Volume One, Issue Forty-One: The One Where I Am On Pain Meds

Because Tinyletter is mostly for mail, it’s nearly impossible to find old newsletters. So I’m posting all my old newsletters here so they can be searched, indexed, all that. You’re still better off just subscribing.

Illustration for article titled Volume One, Issue Forty-One: The One Where I Am On Pain Meds

Sylvia Plath died at the age of 30 on February 11, 1963.

February 11, 2017

Friday morning, I had some sort of major tooth and gum surgery. I couldn’t tell you exactly what kind of tooth surgery it was even as I lie here in bed, with my face twice its normal size, unable to chew anything, doped up on pain pills to the point that there’s a very good chance I only think I’m writing my newsletter right now and am in fact randomly moving my fingers in the air as I stand in the corner pantsless, trying to find our dog. (We don’t have a dog.)

My periodontist said I had to have this surgery, so I had it, and the fact that I think so little about my dental hygiene that I didn’t really think to ask what, in fact, this surgery was supposed to fix is a pretty good indicator of how I got into the situation of needing major tooth surgery in the first place. So anyway, to make sure I don’t, like, start telling you stories of the middle school girl whose rejection of me in Mr. Sampson’s biology class was so total and so public that that every time I see the internal organs of a frog I burst into tears, or, at the very least, to make sure that I don’t start hallucinating that this computer is trying to kill me (though it is very possible that it in fact is), I think we’re gonna stop the newsletter here this week. Just these two paragraphs, a picture of the rugrats showing off heir physical and genetic superiority over me and then links to the pieces I wrote this week. This was actually a pretty solid week of pieces, I thought, so I couldn’t ignore them by not sending out a newsletter to showcase. But I also will start telling you about that time I brained a drifter back behind an old bordello back in Nevada if I keep typing, and I’m pretty sure newsletters are admissible as evidence, even in the Trump administration. So I’ll return to normal yammering next week, once I can feel my face and my soul again.

Illustration for article titled Volume One, Issue Forty-One: The One Where I Am On Pain Meds

Here is a numerical breakdown of all the things I wrote this week, in order of what I believe to be their quality. (This is an attempt to have an objective look at the value of my work in a way that I suspect will be difficult to sustain.)

1. How Unlikely Was the Patriots’ Comeback? Very, Sports On Earth. I’ve talked before how much I legitimately enjoy writing on deadline, but it can be scary when you have an event as breathtaking as last week’s Super Bowl. The good news is that it requires you to step up your game to match the moment. This one, if you’ll permit the brief nod toward braggadocio, I believe comes close to that.

2. In Defense of the Blowout, The New York Times. Yes, yes, the game was close and was also exciting. I believe my point still stands.

3. St. Louis Cardinals Opening Essay, Baseball Prospectus Annual. Go buy it. You should already have this, obviously.

4. Accept It, Haters, Brady Is An All-Time Great, Los Angeles Times. This piece turned out fine, but know, reader, I would never put the word “haters” in a headline.

5. Review: “The LEGO Batman Movie,” The New Republic. There is nothing like expressing disappointment in a kids movie on the Website of an intellectual political magazine.

6. The Patriots’ Dynasty Was Over, Until It Wasn’t, Sports On Earth. Still can’t quite believe it.

7. 2017 Edition of the Tortured NFL Fanbases Rankings, Sports On Earth. You’re still No. 1, Buffalo.

8. Your 2017 Road Trip Guide to Spring Training, Sports On Earth. This is surprisingly easy to do. You should just do it sometime.

As I say every week: If you are the sort to subscribe to a weekly newsletter, I would have to think it wouldn’t be too much of a hassle to subscribe to one of the three podcasts I do. You don’t even have to listen to them! Just download them. Here they are:

Grierson & Leitch, this was a particularly good show, discussing Movies Of The Trump Era, “Michael Clayton” and “Other People.”

The Will Leitch Experience, no show this week, back next week.

Waitin’ Since Last Saturday, Super Bowl wrapup, Signing Day and the sad state of the Georgia basketball season.

Also, I was on Fox News on Super Bowl Sunday morning, right after Kellyanne Conway. This is my on-right-after-Kellyanne-Conway face.

Illustration for article titled Volume One, Issue Forty-One: The One Where I Am On Pain Meds

Also! I loaded all of these old newsletters into their own pages now, so you can find them a lot easier than digging through Tinyletter. Find them all right here.

I am going to go rest my face now. Have a great weekend, all.



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